Thursday, 31 January 2008
I had my 6th meeting with my supervisor-Prof Torremans this afternoon to receive the comments and feedbacks on my first chapter. It transpired that there is much work (ie correction and expansion to the writing) for me to be completed within 3 weeks...
Happiness keeps you Sweet, Trials keep you Strong, Sorrows keep you Human, Failures keep you Humble, Success keeps you glowing, but Only Allah Keeps You Going.
How true and lovely the above quote is...
One of the true, greatest happiness for me is to see my baby again, soon....Insya Allah.
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
Hadith from Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w)
"Take benefit of five before five:
Your youth before your old age,
your health before your sickness,
your wealth before your poverty,
your free time before you are preoccupied,
and your life before your death"
(Narrated by Ibn Abbas and reported by Al Hakim)
How true the hadith is...last nite I was suffering from certain illness which made me unable to sleep..I was in pain- a throbbing pain...Finally it got better (bi iznillah) after I took some ponstan/painkiller. I had this same disease when I was at home last year, but in Msia, it's easy to go to clinic anytime to get the medicine..but the situation here is totally different...
When I'm sick, the feeling to have somebody (ie baby, hubby, family) around is unbearable :(...I have to survive here alone for another 7 weeks 3 days...
Tuesday, 29 January 2008
This morning I made a bank transfer to my Msia bank account (part of the money that I managed to save while surviving lone life here). True,..money is not everything...but in this modern world, money is undoubtedly essential to have a decent, comfortable living...
I hope to achieve one of my many dreams this year - to own a house...Amiin...
I share this dream and hope with my hubby, so that our little bundle of joy would have a better place for upbringing (and I wish my Zharfan would cherish all his childhood fun, sweet memories when he grows up one day...)
I miss you my baby...
Monday, 28 January 2008
I know my boy misses me..I can feel it... Yesterday when I was talking to him on the phone, my mother was telling me that my Zharfan kissed the telephone handset (ie gagang) few times as if he kissed me...Knowing that I feel like crying...his action touches my heart...
The time will come soon my baby...Mama is coming home to see and fetch you... :(
Being apart from you loved ones is indeed a misery...and lately I could not sleep well for thinking of going home so much...I though I have become stronger (but deep inside it's getting unbearable -I'm weaker emotionally)...
Sunday, 27 January 2008
It's Saturday, so not really in mood to do my reading (or writing-up)..
In the morning, I went to visit my friends' baby girl, Sarah who has just been discharged from ward for bronchitis. Alhamdulillah, she is getting better now.
Then, I boarded a tram to city centre to do some shopping!!! Yes...Managed to buy a few stuff in my 'to buy list' - the most important one is my contact lense solution - it's extremely pricey here compared to Msia! *sigh...*
And bought a card for my beloved hubby (our first date anniversary is coming soon in middle of February..) and of course I bought something for my Zharfan too ....a striped tshirt - Thomas the Tanks which is so lovely in my eyes... Shopping is always a delightful activity for me to do.. :)
I know the time is getting closer for me to be reunited with my boy again...and I'm counting the days as usual....
Friday, 25 January 2008
Thanks God for all your blessings...Today is a happy day for me..firstly, because I have got positive reply (via email) from MSD UIA for my request to reserve flight ticket for me to depart on 21st March London-KL.
And secondly, in the afternoon, when I checked my Natwest online, I discovered that kpt/Mohe has just credited the allowance (ie scholarship) into my account.
Those two events really put a grin on my face...Alhamdulillah, syukr lillah...
And my countdown continues...lesss than 2 months now... :)
"I love you"....LOVE is God's special gift to us...to love and be loved is such a special feeling...
I love my hubby because he completes me, and I love my baby because he is part of me...
Love is universal, so pure, so beautiful...
I pray that I would be able to spend my whole life with my loved ones, to do the things that I love in life...Amiin...
Thursday, 24 January 2008
Today is Thaipusam in Malaysia (which means my hubby is not working today..)
As for myself, I was having 5th meeting with my supervisor , Prof Torremans in the afternoon, mainly for the submission of my part II chapter one. There's another meeting next week - for him to give comments and feedbacks on my writing...that's part of phD all about anyway....
In the eve, I was having pizza for dinner with my friend, Ruth (a split phD student like me). We spent about two hours chatting while enjoying the yummy Mario Pizza...a nice little break for us....
Insya Allah, my plan to go back on 21st March would be realised, as I already asked for a permission from my supervisor, and he seems ok with it, provided I settle everything here...
And I'm gonna see my baby soon....I really2 miss my Zharfan!!
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
yes...2 more months to go...can't imagine how does it feel exactly to see my Zharfan again after almost 7 months (ie since 2nd Sept last year) I left him with his nenek & tok ayah...
I try to visualize it(it even comes in my sweet dreams lately)...the upcoming, much-awaited moments, when I arrive at Pengkalan Chepa Airport...and I see my Zharfan again....
Insya Allah, it's a reality soon (in 2 months time :)! )
Monday, 21 January 2008
"You don’t choose your family.They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them." I got this lovely quote from one blog on the net. It's very true indeed...
I was chatting on Yahoo Messenger with my beloved brother, Ja this morning...
As siblings, we used to be very2 close once upon a time...we share so many things in common, like favourites past times (we are into travelling and gym), fav movie (We both love "A Walk To Remember)...we even share the way we study for our SPM!
But things change, so do people... may be he is the one who changes, or may be I'm the one who has changed...but deep in my heart, I always miss our sweet time together...all those things that we used to do together...the joy when we had our family vacations, the kenduri during my wedding, and all the meaningful events in which he has done a lot, sacrificed a lot for me...
I always pray that we could be as close as we were in the past...that's my prayers, my hope, my dream, my wish. Amiin...
And I believe that my unconditional love for my younger brother (ja) and younger sister (jema-who has equally done so many things for me!) is mutual..yet I also realize that by"having faith in someone who may not have necessarily earned it." But they can always count on me, that's one thing for sure.
And I hope that my Zharfan will be blessed with a sibling one day- so that he would have a sibling to share, to care, to count on, later in his life..
Sunday, 20 January 2008
I have so many hopes in my life, which is yet to be accomplished, but I believe & have faith that all hopes would come true soon...most of my hopes are shared with my love - my hubby....
Most importantly, for the time being, I hope to complete my First Chapter of my thesis within the timeframe as planned, and I do hope I could be going back to Msia soon (on 21st March hopefully...)
Not feeling so well since yesterday eve, and it prolongs until today...must recover soonest possible so that I can devote my thought solely on my writing...
Friday, 18 January 2008
Loads of things to be settled before I can go back to Msia happily with full relief (at least for a while)... the priorities of course to complete the whole first chapter of my thesis.
Other than writing up my thesis, I was truly delighted (in fact mesmerized!) to read an essay from my niece Ila. She asked me to read through her work so that I can make any necessary correction or editing, with the intention to join a contest. Her language style is indeed awesome...even myself don't have that ability to come up with such a lovely fiction..I pray all the best to her in the contest, and most importantly in her SPM - I guess the result will be out by March 2008..
Back to my life here, yesterday, I was telling my hubby that I'm thinking of going back to Msia one week earlier than the initial plan, which means I would be leaving for KL on 21st of March instead of 28th March 2008 - the thought and plan of going back early put a smile on my face..a big grin in fact...hopefully I can settle everything here by that date...
Life has its ups and down...after all that's life all about...that reminds me of the Hindi movie title 'kabi kushi kabhi ghum' which means sometimes we are happy, sometimes we are sad...to my friends Farizah, I hope everything will be better soon, Insya Allah. You and your hubby have been very kind to me...only Allah can give you the best rewards...syukran jazilan...
Thursday, 17 January 2008
My Zharfan's birthday is coming soon in May...
but today is the first birthday for Fawwaz, the adorable baby, doted son of my friends - Farizah & Fadhil...
Birthday is always special, but the first birthday is super-extra special...especially for the first little bundle of joy. That reminds me of my little boy's first birthday party - we had it at home (Taman Bolton), that was first time ever I had a catering service for such an event, with about 50 guests (my families, relatives & friends)...my Zharfan was too young to understand how meaningful it is, but it's gonna be part of the sweetest, memorable stage in my life (and his life too..)
It takes a mom to understand the feeling of another mom...
Other than my colleagues at work and my ex-coursemates from IIUM (mostly in legal professions now), I'm blessed with couple of friends who share the same interests with me - what else... parenting and baby stuff!! :)
Yesterday, I called me friend Ezna in Malaysia - it cheered me up talking to her...she's a loving mother of one cute girl...and I pray that she would be blessed with a baby boy soon :) Amiin..
Today, I chatted with another frien, Alice on MSN messenger (while I was on yahoo messenger)...She was telling me that she is planning and striving to have another baby soon...I gave her the link to this blog, and it's touching to hear that she understands my suffering and loneliness being here, after she read this blog..
Other than my hubby, baby and family members, friends would always be those persons that I appreciate and treasure in my life...to share is to care...sweet & true...
I have submitted the February review form for my phD progress report this morning, and I would be attending the interview session for the review in the second week of February...yes...February is gonna be a hectic month for me...
No matter how hectic my life is, not even a single second I forget my Zharfan...he's always in my heart, on my mind...and I gave him a call today as usual to hear his baby voice...
Tuesday, 15 January 2008
Waiting to go back to Msia makes me looking forward to the days to come...in essence it's the waiting to be together with the love of my life again (my hubby & my baby!)
It's like waiting for all the past important dates, big DAYS in my life - waiting for the day of my convocations (undergraduate & masters), the day of 'aqad & wedding day, the day I gave birth to my baby (which was exactly on the edd - ie estimated due date itself!)... I guess most women share this kind of big days in their life like me...
Anyway, I always say syukr lillah for all those great days - I cherish every single moment of the days...and one more big day will come soon (in 2 1/2 months :)
This morning I went to school to do some printing out for couple of articles that I need for my research, to collect the 2nd ream of plain papers from the reception (I've finished using the first ream!) and to see Danielle the postgraduate student officer to ask for few more library vouchers for the interlibrary loan purposes.
Then I went to Sainsbury in Beeston to do some groceries shopping; and I bought another t-shirt for my Zharfan (adding to his collection of clothes that I have been buying since I arrived in Notts :)
I promised my hubby to give him a call when I'm back from school - he's got tummy upset (cum diarrhea) since last nite, and it persisted for the whole day while he's at work...pity my hubby, I know he needs me, especially in difficult times like these...it's not easy for us to live a separate life eventhough temporarily (6 months is not that short for us..)
Deep in my heart (and I guess and hope he knows that) I really2 appreciate his sacrifice, support & understanding, to see me accomplishing my phD...Thanks my hubby....and syukrul lillah for bestowing me with a wonderful (ie HAMPIR SEMPURNA - borrowing the word of Shidi in describing his dear wife Vanida Imran) life partner- I pray to Allah that he is my partner for my whole life in this world and in the Hereafter...Amiin...
Sunday, 13 January 2008
I was thinking of going to Mothercare (on foot) but the weather was not so conducive - cloudy, windy and drizzles...so I've no other choice but to stay indoor...
Anyway, it cheered me up to chat with my hubby over yahoo messenger. He told me that he has bought Lego toys and Barney backpack for our little boy, as he plans to see our Zharfan during Chinese New Year Holidays... Anyway, Zharfan is the only jewel of our hearts, manifestation of our love ( well...I guess I'm in romantic mood now :)
Saturday, 12 January 2008
Being away from my hubby and baby...Saturday is not much awaited for me...
When I was at home, I used to enjoy and look forward to every weekends ; the much-awaited time to spending fun time together - sometimes we go on vacation Cuti-Cuti Malaysia, if not, we just spend our weekends like going out to theme parks, water parks, shopping complexes, visiting friends & relatives (occassionally), eating out by having breakfast or dinner at one of our favourites restaurants...well, there's simply loads of things to do together...
My life is a world different here at Notts, without my two sweethearts...notwithstanding the fact that Notts is such a great and lovely place..only if my baby & hubby are here with me...
74 more days to go...and half Chapter to be completed!
"Rain rain go away come again another day, Barney friends' want to play, rain rain go away!"
It was raining for the whole day today...that reminds me of the above nursery rhyme in one of the Barney vdcs - my Zharfan is a big fan of Barney, and most of the times he watches the vcd with me...one of great ways for our bonding and having fun time together...
I spent the morning time doing some writing for my thesis, and in the afternoon, I went out to city - no specific aim, other than to withdraw some money from Natwest ATM and to have some window-shopping (the sale is gonna end soon!)
Well...eventually I bought 3 pcs of t-shirt for my little prince at Marks&Spencer (I always feel good that I can afford to shop here - never dare to shop in Mark&Spencer in KLCC for fear of the extremely pricey stuff). And there's also great sale in Disney Store - I always love all the lovely Disney Characters; I fell in love (love at first sight:) with a pair of pink Minnie pyjamas, so I bought it for myself (that costs me £10.99!) and little Einstein cute backpack in red for my Zharfan. Indeed, shopping is a good theraphy :) I miss my baby for every single moment....
Friday, 11 January 2008
People say time flies...but when you are counting the days like what I'm doing now, time seems to slow down...or even does it stand still?...
Since the last few days, I have been calling my baby at home every single day...
And I'm more determined to complete my Chapter 1 of my thesis before going back to Msia!
Thursday, 10 January 2008
I pray for the happiness, joy and blessings of Muharram in everything that I do...and the same wishes for all my loved ones, my baby, hubby, family and dear friends...Amiin...
In order to write, we have to read... loads of books!! I'm reminding myself to keep on reading and reading..so that my thesis writing would be smoother... Insya Allah.
Talking about books, I noticed that my boy is sharing the same passion with me..books! I have started to buy him variety of books which suit to his age ever since he was born..and it's worth it..
Last few days, I bought my Zharfan couple of books for kids when I went to city center., just to add to his books collection that he already has...can't wait to be with him again..cuddling up with a good book isn't just good for my little bundle of joy; it's a great way to spend quality time together...and I'm looking forward to be with my baby soon...
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
All moms will cherish every single new skills that their baby masters - first smile, first giggle, crawling, waving goodbye... the magical moments continue and continue. Being away from my baby for more than 4 months already, I have missed some important milestones which my Zharfan has achieved so far...
I managed to keep track of my sweetheart milestones and progress via recorded video clips from my hubby, my brother and my nieces. Now I'm always happy to see how my Zharfan is now able to build some bricks with a new design, pretending he's reading ABC (he still memorizes whatever I have taught him before I flew to UK), singing new nursery songs....it really melts my heart...
I know the time will come soon, for me to hug, kiss & cuddle my adorable little prince again..
Anyway, today is a hectic day for me...with lots of writing-up to be done, yet little has been done so far...really got to work harder for the remaining 78 days more...
Tuesday, 8 January 2008
I tried to call my baby at home, but my internet access was not stable this morning to the effect that my call could not be connected via Skype. So I had to leave for school without first hearing my sweetheart's voice. Finally I managed to submit the compulsory Legal Research Methods Assignment to the reception of Law School. So now I can focus 100% for my thesis writing...
Other than parenting magz, I also have a passion over baby poems & quotes...so nice to read all of these lovely, sweet, touching words about baby...
One of my favourites is written by Helen Steiner Rice which is available online.
"A wee bit of heaven
Drifted down from above
A handful of happiness
A heartful of love
A mystery of life
So sacred and so sweet
The giver of joy
So deep and complete.
Precious and priceless
So lovable too
The world's sweetest miracle
Baby, it's you! - My ZHARFAN of course!!!"
Sunday, 6 January 2008
I never knew it was possible to love someone as much as I love my baby boy, Zharfan. Everytime he giggles, smiles at me, it makes my heart melt...
Being faraway from him, my love for him grows more & more as each day passes by..
Talking about being in UK, one of the unique features of UK which is not available in Msia is its "car boot sale"!!! It's always tempting, and it's hard to resist the tempatation-I would surely buy few (if not a lot of!) items whenever I visit the car boot sale - so far I've been to Derby, Trowell and Mansfield. It's such an amazing experience to browse through a wide range of items there, from used toys, books, little2 souvenirs, clothes, well....the list is indeed endless.
I would definitely miss the car boot sale when I'm back in Msia! But I'm lucky to have the chance to be in UK again (this time with my Zharfan of course!) in Jan 2010, Insya Allah.
How true the idiom is...
I was always delighted to see my Zharfan on the short video clips recorded by my niece, Wanie. She has given me a number of videos showing my boy riding his bicycle, reading books, playing toys etc...Today I have just watched 2 more video clips that Wanie has just uploaded to my photobucket account...She simply understands how her auntie feels now...
At least when I miss my baby - that sometimes I feel it is unbearable anymore, I just keep on watching the videos over & over again..
Actually the life in Notts is quite fun & enjoyable, with small Malaysian communities around..This eve, I joined Farizah & Aisyah for my second Helwa gathering which is an occasion to know, to make the bonding & ties stronger among Msian sisters - I really appreciate the ukhuwwah here...
I'm gonna miss everything that I have been doing here when I'm back in M'sia...
but my heart is always in M'sia, for part of me (my baby of course) lies in Msia...
Friday, 4 January 2008
The boxes were delivered to me last nite by a staff from www.shippingtomalaysia.com, and I quickly started to pack up all the stuff to be sent to Msia this morning.
By afternoon, everything was done, packing up with passion... no words can't describe my feeling; how eager I"m to be back in Msia....
since the packing is done, now back to study...got to do some more readings before I resume writing the first chapter of my thesis...
Thursday, 3 January 2008
It's 0 degree celcius today...I have to put on my sweater eventhough the heater in my room is on...
I know my baby is missing me more and more..(so am I)...this morning when I called him, he was the one who answered the called, as he knew I would be calling him at a fixed time every two days..so the moment the telephone rang, he quickly answered it by saying sweetly " Assalamualaikum, ello mama.."
It has been 4 months ( I feel like ages! ) since I left him with his nenek & tok ayah...so no wonder he felt like missing me so much. The other heartache part for me is when he tried to search around the phone to find my face, in case I'm visible on the phone because at his age, he might think he could see me as he could hear my voice through the phone.. :( pity my little boy...
83 more days to go before me could meet each other again...and I pray to Allah that I would no longer be apart from my Zharfan again after this...
Got a lot of work to do today...making some minor corrections and final editing the assignment which is due next week...it's a relief to receive a constructive, little comments and sweet compliment from my supervisor that he is pleased with my work- a real motivation for me to work harder for my thesis...
and then I received an email instructing me to submit the annual review report by next week...the report is pretty detail..(sigh..)
In the evening, I received another email from Danielle, the person in charge of phD students, giving the details of the Research Presentation Day which is going to be held on 13th Feb.. and I've been allotted the morning slot to present my research progress...
What a bee-zy day...but then my Zharfan is always on my mind and in my heart...miss you so much my baby..
Wednesday, 2 January 2008
Nothing can really cheer up my day other than talking to my boy and listening to his sweet 'baby talk' over the phone..
Sinnce I arrived in Notts, it has been my favourite, much-awaited routine for me to call my Zharfan every alternate day - thanks to Skype for enabling me to make frequent calls to Malaysia at an amazingly affordable rate :)
This morning, my mom was telling me an event which made me smile, yet feel so blessed and proud..
my mom, dad & Zharfan was visiting a relative whose son will start schooling tomorrow. When Zharfan was asked whether he wants to go to school, he spontaneously responded, saying that : ' adik nak gi sekolah nanti mama balik, mama antar adik pegi sekolah'...the apt, sweet answer made everybody laughed... Actually, I always tell my boy whenever we chat over the phone that I would send him to school when I come back, so that he can meet up his teacher, and Zharfan is always excited about going to school again...
My syukur to Allah for giving me the happiness, countless blessings..
New year eve ( 5.13 pm)
Tuesday, 1 January 2008
Time flies...and 2007 has been a great, exciting year for me...
I was chatting with my hubby on yahoo messenger, and we shared our heart to heart new year resolution...the priorities of course to our little bundle of joy- our boy Zharfan.
Distance ('beribu batu jauhnya..') has made us appreciating, loving each other even more, and that's a real blessing in disguise..
Looking back at 2007 at a glance...syukur Alhamdulillah..there have been so many memorable events in my life..with my loved ones..
it started off with Langkawi wonderful vacation in Jan 2007..
and the anugerah penghargaan buat ibu by karangkraf for my mom at Prince Hotel KL..love u sooo much "Ma"...
and then Zharfan's birthday celebration in A Famosa Resort, our 3rd wedding anniversary vacation in Pangkor Island, weekend escapade at water chalet Bukit Merah Laketown Resort with my beloved sister & brother...
It was also so sweet for me to win the first prize (a brand new JVC camcorder) in a contest in Pa&Ma magazine ...
and lastly of course -me being in UK for the first time in my life for my ph.D pursuit.
My prayers, humble doa' to Allah, may year 2008 be the best for us...with many more dreams, visions and resolution to be accomplished...Amin...
ilall liqai fi 'am jadid
31st Dec 2007